


disappear

by EnterLameUsernameHere



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: FTM, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Sad, Trans!Louis, Transgender, cis!harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 06:21:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5237693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnterLameUsernameHere/pseuds/EnterLameUsernameHere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis just wants to disappear, Harry comforts him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	disappear

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in the notes on my phone so I have no idea how long it is, I hope its not too short??

_I just want to disappear and never be seen again._

 

Louis thought to himself, sliding down the wall and then sitting in a ball on the floor. Most days he was okay, going on with his life like any other guy. But somedays, days like today, dysphoria overtook him and made him question his entire existence. When Louis woke up that morning everything seemed normal, he had texted Harry to make sure they were still on for their date tonight, and smiled when the boy replied 'yes' along with a bunch of kissy-face emojis. As the day progressed though, Louis began to feel worse and worse.

 

It all started when he walked past the mirror in the hall before he'd gotten around to putting his binder on. His face immediately sunk when he saw his chest out of the corner of his eye. Sure, it wasn't massive or anything but still bigger than most guys. Louis stopped, turning to face his reflection. He raised his hands to push his chest down, and cringed when he realized how small his hands really were. He didn't use to mind his hands all that much really, but after he started dating Harry, who had pretty large hands, he hated his own. Louis continued walking down the hall, and to the bathroom to take a shower.

 

He'd always hated showers and baths, even when he was little, and even on his good days when he wasn't feeling too dysphoric. He just hated having to stand there fully exposed for that length of time, and today it was much _much_ worse. As he pulled his shirt off, he glanced up to the mirror that hung above the sink.

 

_disgusting_

 

The voice in his head told him, and part of him agreed. He was gross, what the hell kind of guy has boobs!? He'd never be tall like Harry, or have big hands, currently he didn't even have a deep voice or get facial hair. His hips were too big, and his shoulders too small..everything was just so _wrong_. By the time Harry arrived that night, Louis was an absolute wreck.

 

As always, Harry just let himself in because he knew that Louis wouldn't be ready yet. The tall boy walked down the hall to his boyfriends room. "So I was thinking we could go to that new steak place down the street but if you want to go somewh-" Harry stopped the second he saw his boyfriend curled up on the floor of the dark room, crying his eyes out. "Lou what's wrong?" He was worried, he'd only ever seen the boy like this once before. "Babe talk to me." Harry sat down next to him, pulling the smaller boy onto his lap.

 

"I'm- m'sorry that I'm not ready yet I just-"

 

"Shh no" the curly haired boy kissed the older ones forehead "no need to be sorry love, what's going on?"

 

"I...I don't know. When I got up today- when I got up everything was fine but now I just feel...I just want to disappear." Louis pulled himself closer to Harry, and Harry wrapped his arms even tighter around him.

 

Harry shook his head "I'd miss you too much."

 

"I didn't mean to spoil the date...I'll go get ready." Louis said, starting to stand up. He felt bad about Harry finding him like this.

 

The younger boy pulled him back down "It's fine Lou. All I care about is that you're okay, how about we just stay in tonight? We can order some pizza or something and watch a movie." Louis nodded, not really wanting to go out after crying so much anyway.

 

The two of them just sat in the dark room in silence for a long time, Harry holing Louis. The thought that Harry would always be there to hold him was quite comforting to the smaller boy.


End file.
